Published:
March 28, 2025
Looking back at when I first started this work, there’s a lot I wish I had known. Some lessons took years—sometimes decades—to fully understand. Equity leadership isn’t just about changing systems; it’s about changing ourselves.
In the early 2000s, when the same-sex marriage debate was everywhere, awful things were being said about people like me in public. It wasn’t uncommon to get yelled at on the street just for existing.
I remember one of my first trainings when someone shared a view that was common at the time—that maybe same-sex couples could have “separate but equal” unions instead of marriage. I snapped back, accusing them of denying the humanity of the LGBTQ+ community.
In the moment, it felt right. It felt like defending myself and my community. But looking back, I see that my reaction didn’t create space for conversation, learning, or change.
You have to heal your inner child to do this work. If you’re leading with open wounds, every challenge can feel like a personal attack. But equity leadership requires something different—it calls us to create space for others, even when it’s hard.
Healing is one thing. But another lesson I had to learn? How to face injustice without letting it consume me.
As I got deeper into equity work, I started to see the sheer scale of systemic injustice. And it hit me hard. I felt an overwhelming mix of anger, grief, and frustration. I wanted others to see what I was seeing, and in that urgency, my conversations—especially with family, friends, and colleagues—were often fueled by that raw frustration. I started to blame them.
And I see this happen all the time in not-for-profits.
The weight of injustice often shifts from “What can we do?” to “Why is no one else doing enough?” The frustration is real. But when we only focus on what’s broken, we lose sight of what’s possible.
In the not-for-profit sector, that emotional weight often turns outward—we blame funders, regulators, governments, leadership… And to be clear, many of these forces do create real barriers. But if we become consumed by what others aren’t doing, we risk distancing ourselves from responsibility.
To do this work for the long haul, we have to build resilience—not to ignore injustice, but to sit with it, process it, and resist the urge to distance ourselves from our own agency. When we only focus on what others aren’t doing, we lose sight of what we can do. Leadership means staying engaged, even when the weight of inequity feels overwhelming, and finding ways to act rather than retreat.
For years, I taught about racism and oppression in Canada, thinking I had a solid grasp of these issues. And then one day, I realized—certain biases and dominant narratives about how we talk about race in Canada had seeped into my teaching. Maybe even into how I evaluated students.
That realization was deeply uncomfortable. But it forced me to sit with the truth that, even as someone working in equity, I had internalized narratives that weren’t serving the full picture. And more than that, I had to accept that my oversight had real consequences for students along the way.
Even as leaders, we’re never done learning. It’s humbling to realize that some of our past approaches—our hiring processes, our policies, even the way we evaluate impact—may have upheld the very barriers we’re trying to dismantle. But the best leaders don’t double down when faced with these realizations. They adjust, evolve, and invite their teams to do the same.
The rise of DEI work has brought both progress and backlash. Some people express outright bigotry, but many others are simply unsure of what to believe. Some get swept up in rage-driven narratives, while others sit on the fence, not knowing how to engage.
Even when someone is speaking in harsh, black-and-white terms, there may still be valid concerns buried beneath the rage-baiting. If we want to bring people in, we can’t write them off.
As not-for-profit leaders, we will inevitably face skepticism—sometimes from the very people we need to implement change. It’s tempting to disengage or push back forcefully, but that rarely shifts minds.
The real work is in understanding where people are coming from, recognizing the valid concerns hidden in resistance, and leading them toward a more nuanced understanding of equity.
Leading with equity is about guiding teams through discomfort, making space for resistance, and staying committed even when progress feels slow. And lead we shall.
Check out our post on LinkedIn where we talk about Fear Being a Hidden Roadblock in Equity Work.
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